Going to circle, the story.

Resistance to going to circle is not the same thing as being called not to go to circle.

As I sat in circle tonight, on Zoom, I thought, “I almost didn’t make it to this tonight.”

The day before I was lost in stress and in a moment of “boundaries” I said to myself I would not go to monthly circle. But I have learned, through years and decades of showing up to the work, that a resistance to going to circle is not the same thing as being called not to go to circle.

Deep breath.

So I reached out via email. I had not gotten the Zoom link. Was circle still happening?

Yes.

Yes it was.

The link had been sent, but now it would be sent to me again.

I frowned.

Was I disappointed that it wasn’t cancelled? Now I had to go.

I don’t have to go. It’s a choice, I thought back, like I was stamping my foot.

But I have learned, through years and decades of showing up to the work, that a resistance to going to circle is not the same thing as being called not to go to circle.

Deep breath.

Ok.

Surrender.

What do I need to be able to show up for circle?

That question made all the difference.

I took the evening off. I spent time in the guest room. I reconnected with my deep process. I found myself again. I had a hard conversation on the phone. I cried. I felt release of that stress. I felt peace.

I showed up for circle.

Really showed up.

Fully showed up.

And that continues to make all the difference.